→ open.

[sagikkun]

Comments

😔 rip captcha. it took me too long today to realise the issue too aha.

[sagikkun]

Something like that.

My father was a devout. Of course, he was also an infamous loan shark. He never saw retribution for what he did, and so we're supposed to believe either he's burning in hell or he managed to pray just enough that it couldn't touch him. So I carry a few things with me, but not as much as anyone would like.

I'd rather solid action now then hope it might come.

What does spirituality look like for you?

i only found it bc of a failed 'lost username' bid. 😔 now we will never know

[temporicide]

I forget sometimes that there's that option for Christians, where you can say sorry at the end, and it's supposed to be wiped away. When you say infamous, did people know you because of him, growing up?

I believe most of what my father's ancestors believed, which is what they call animism. But I sort of feel like it's cheating, because I know the spirits, you know? They're with us all the time. So I missed out on the part of faith that's about the leap.

maybe it will come back 🙏

[sagikkun]

Not exactly.

( If his father could have scrubbed out any connection to his less than favoured son he would have done. But there are more appealing things to talk about now. )

Animism is ... the earth has a spirit?

[temporicide]

Yes! Well. Everything has a spirit. Things people make, things that are natural, words, songs. Then of course there are spirits which just are, and their own name is their calling. Their self. And those spirits make up a whole. Like parts of a quilt or a tapestry. That's everything.

People are part of it, too.

[sagikkun]

So books? Or is it just the words themselves?

[temporicide]

Books, too, but individual words. Because a book is like a person, isn't it? All those words are individual component souls that also make up a larger one. Like how a human has a lineage.

[sagikkun]

Interesting.

It's not something I've put much thought to before, but I can see the appeal. No fiery judgement in your world?

[temporicide]

I think a Hell exists, but it's not for us. There was a place meant to be an afterlife. I've never seen it. I want to.

[sagikkun]

Usually when someone says something like that, alarm bells should start ringing.

( He's sure she doesn't mean it the way it sounds though, so. )

If Hell isn't for our souls, then what is it for?

[temporicide]

Oh, that did sound bad, didn't it? I mean like an astronaut, or a deep sea explorer.

I don't know anymore. Someone told me once that real Hell was absence. Nothingness, not physical torment. A total inertia. Said all the fire and brimstone was Medieval, not canonical.

[sagikkun]

I've never been particularly in need of exploration. There's enough monstrous things to uncover in the day to day. But you seem the type.

( Yohan, it's been five minutes. You can't judge someone like that. )

That sounds worse somehow.

[temporicide]

The day to day matters a lot, too, I think, but you're right, I am that kind. Only I want those explorations to be on my own terms.

You've seen a lot, anyway, haven't you? I think you must have gravity. So things come to you. [ Someone's also drawing her own conclusions. ]

In some ways. I saw something like nothing once, sort of like a dream. The far borders of the universe spread around me like the edges of water breaking its surface tension. The water pulled back into itself. Retracted, like a tide, but in only one direction. Everything inside it disappeared. A whole ecology, gone in an instant. Like it was never there.

[sagikkun]

( It sounds like his worst nightmare. Which he supposes is part of the point. )

Did it frighten you? That emptiness?

[temporicide]

Yeah, it did. I don't think there's a way for it not to. It's abhorrent to anything that exists, biologically, spiritually.

But at the same time, I'd look at it again, if it came back to me. L'appel du vide. I think for a lot of people the void has a little bit of a draw. You know?

[sagikkun]

( Oh, he knows. )

I'm a little too busy to answer the void these days, it'll have to try calling another.

But I think the way you see things is interesting. Most people shy away from that. A fear of the unknown. Maybe that's where all religions intersect.

[temporicide]

Maybe us void-seekers just need to follow your example and find more to do.

Someone told me once all religion was a different echo of the same thing. I was young. I didn't understand what she meant, but I can see, now, why she'd think so. Everybody's just getting dressed in the dark, trying to put things together the right way. If that fear is the commonality, is it the only thing that's for-sure true?

[sagikkun]

Possibly.

Is there a creature that doesn't feel fear? ( He'd ask his version of Alexa, but he's being philosophical. ) Even the most cocky must at some point, no? I see it in the court a lot. Bravado fails when you apply enough pressure.

( And if it doesn't work within the confines of the law then he finds it outside, hood up, mask on, weapon of choice well in hand. )

[temporicide]

Fear is a survival response, right? Lizard brain says, run, fight, hide, whichever one a person's most responsive to. People who don't feel it fast enough aren't brave, they're waiting until it's too late. Like the ones in court.

I was in a court a couple times. I was scared. Different kind of court, though.

[sagikkun]

Defence or prosecution?

[temporicide]

Defense. I got a juvenile record when I was fourteen. It wasn't for violence or anything, but they get real persnickety about unlicensed radio back home.

[sagikkun]

What a criminal.

Still, not dramatic enough for me these days. Tell me more about the radio.

[temporicide]

What would be dramatic enough?

I had this idea about what the radio could receive, but also what I could play. So I made the first one in the junkyard. The second time, I went out into the tundra. The third time, I used a different frequency, one nobody else was using, and I went out to the water to do do it. They don't understand the water. It took them months to find me. The problem was that the frequency was the one that was supposed to be used by the local police, but we didn't have police, not even village safety officers, so nobody was even using it. But they charged me with that in mind, anyway.

So I was in trouble a couple times. I couldn't help it. I don't know why.

[sagikkun]

( A lot of that doesn't quite make sense to Yohan. But he knows from talking to Roza that her frame of existence is different to his. He's just going to roll with the punches a little, tucking the information away as he does so. )

Hm.

I suppose it still counts as interference. Even if it's unused, it still might be at some point. A good lawyer should have gotten you off on a technicality.

[temporicide]

We didn't have many of those. Maybe that's why one of my brothers is in law school now.

I think they just got sick of it, because I kept doing it. The first time, when I was in the junkyard, they let me off with a warning. But have you ever had something you can't stop yourself from doing? Even if everyone around you hates it, you feel like you have to do it.

[sagikkun]

More of a deterrent?

Did it work?