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[sagikkun]

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[sagikkun]

I've never been particularly in need of exploration. There's enough monstrous things to uncover in the day to day. But you seem the type.

( Yohan, it's been five minutes. You can't judge someone like that. )

That sounds worse somehow.

[temporicide]

The day to day matters a lot, too, I think, but you're right, I am that kind. Only I want those explorations to be on my own terms.

You've seen a lot, anyway, haven't you? I think you must have gravity. So things come to you. [ Someone's also drawing her own conclusions. ]

In some ways. I saw something like nothing once, sort of like a dream. The far borders of the universe spread around me like the edges of water breaking its surface tension. The water pulled back into itself. Retracted, like a tide, but in only one direction. Everything inside it disappeared. A whole ecology, gone in an instant. Like it was never there.

[sagikkun]

( It sounds like his worst nightmare. Which he supposes is part of the point. )

Did it frighten you? That emptiness?

[temporicide]

Yeah, it did. I don't think there's a way for it not to. It's abhorrent to anything that exists, biologically, spiritually.

But at the same time, I'd look at it again, if it came back to me. L'appel du vide. I think for a lot of people the void has a little bit of a draw. You know?

[sagikkun]

( Oh, he knows. )

I'm a little too busy to answer the void these days, it'll have to try calling another.

But I think the way you see things is interesting. Most people shy away from that. A fear of the unknown. Maybe that's where all religions intersect.

[temporicide]

Maybe us void-seekers just need to follow your example and find more to do.

Someone told me once all religion was a different echo of the same thing. I was young. I didn't understand what she meant, but I can see, now, why she'd think so. Everybody's just getting dressed in the dark, trying to put things together the right way. If that fear is the commonality, is it the only thing that's for-sure true?

[sagikkun]

Possibly.

Is there a creature that doesn't feel fear? ( He'd ask his version of Alexa, but he's being philosophical. ) Even the most cocky must at some point, no? I see it in the court a lot. Bravado fails when you apply enough pressure.

( And if it doesn't work within the confines of the law then he finds it outside, hood up, mask on, weapon of choice well in hand. )

[temporicide]

Fear is a survival response, right? Lizard brain says, run, fight, hide, whichever one a person's most responsive to. People who don't feel it fast enough aren't brave, they're waiting until it's too late. Like the ones in court.

I was in a court a couple times. I was scared. Different kind of court, though.

[sagikkun]

Defence or prosecution?

[temporicide]

Defense. I got a juvenile record when I was fourteen. It wasn't for violence or anything, but they get real persnickety about unlicensed radio back home.

[sagikkun]

What a criminal.

Still, not dramatic enough for me these days. Tell me more about the radio.

[temporicide]

What would be dramatic enough?

I had this idea about what the radio could receive, but also what I could play. So I made the first one in the junkyard. The second time, I went out into the tundra. The third time, I used a different frequency, one nobody else was using, and I went out to the water to do do it. They don't understand the water. It took them months to find me. The problem was that the frequency was the one that was supposed to be used by the local police, but we didn't have police, not even village safety officers, so nobody was even using it. But they charged me with that in mind, anyway.

So I was in trouble a couple times. I couldn't help it. I don't know why.

[sagikkun]

( A lot of that doesn't quite make sense to Yohan. But he knows from talking to Roza that her frame of existence is different to his. He's just going to roll with the punches a little, tucking the information away as he does so. )

Hm.

I suppose it still counts as interference. Even if it's unused, it still might be at some point. A good lawyer should have gotten you off on a technicality.

[temporicide]

We didn't have many of those. Maybe that's why one of my brothers is in law school now.

I think they just got sick of it, because I kept doing it. The first time, when I was in the junkyard, they let me off with a warning. But have you ever had something you can't stop yourself from doing? Even if everyone around you hates it, you feel like you have to do it.

[sagikkun]

More of a deterrent?

Did it work?

[temporicide]

I don't think so. I just got into something else, and it wasn't illegal. Does it ever work, really? Nobody I knew there stopped going back.

You didn't answer the question, though. (You don't have to, it's personal. But I noticed.)

[sagikkun]

You are tenacious.

And all the time, I suppose. I do a lot of things others think I shouldn't, but that I believe I must.

[temporicide]

Sometimes tenacity feels like demonic possession, I can't lie. (Not that I've been demonically possessed. I don't think that's possible.)

Does it ever bother you? When they get upset.

[sagikkun]

No? Nobody's ever accused me of being possessed, I think perhaps because that implies a lack of accountability. Possibly it's more easily believed that I'm the demon doing the possessing.

But that sounds like a lot of work.

And no, it doesn't.

( Because obsessing over and curating a bad reputation is totally a chill and normal thing to do! )

[temporicide]

Do you want people to believe you have that power? Something demonic. Even if it's just metaphorical.

It bothers me sometimes. Maybe I should study, get better at not minding.

[sagikkun]

I don't mind using any kind of reputation to my advantage.

( Although recently there have been very specific cases where it has hurt, a little. He's learning that. )

How do people perceive you, then? That it bothers you?

[temporicide]

Kind of depends on the perspective, I guess. But yeah. Some of it I've earned. Some of it I didn't.

The stuff you don't earn is harder to weaponize, right? Or at least I think so.

[sagikkun]

Ah, not really, in my case.

The things people believe on me are usually based on hearsay, rumours, nothing actually real. It used to be startling how easily people allowed themselves nudged into a stance without anything concrete to stand on. Now I just use it.

[temporicide]

I want to know how to do that, too. To not let it take root.

Does it cost you anything, do you think?

[sagikkun]

Only the cost of my eternal soul.

( Immediately after: )

Kidding. That's long gone. But I do think it takes a certain amount of distance between yourself and others. You have to learn how to separate yourself.