( gaon glances up at him from where his phone lays flat on the table, still open to yohan's messages. the smile he offers is bright, pointedly guileless, and he shrugs, gesturing to the chair opposite him. )
I watched you park.
( and jog over. and sort himself out. there's something endearing about it, watching without being seen. observing kang yohan without his knowing. )
I asked for another bowl for you. Pajeon's coming.
( they've already taken away the bottle he'd emptied. it's not very potent, but it's easy to drink and it's softening the edges of the day just enough to want more. )
( He considers whether or not he should be embarrassed, chooses firmly against it. Instead he just pulls a singular little face, nose scrunching momentarily before he sinks into the seat. Quickly his gaze turns more curious, sweeping over Gaon's face and shoulders before it slides away to scan the bar with more open interest. He used to come to places like this when he was younger, sometimes. Rarities. It's been a while. )
I was going to read.
( In the car.
He thinks it makes him sound a little less creepy, surely? Eyes lift back at the end either way, head tipping slightly to one side. Gaon looks less angry than his texts had come across, but maybe it's just that it's easier face to face. )
( gaon can't help but roll his eyes, a little of the heat from before but tempered by the mood of the place. the rain. the smells. it feels like too much effort to really put up a fight outside of his phone. )
I like drinking with someone better than alone.
( an unspoken invitation laid out on the table, read between the lines. it's not like it happens all that often. not as much as it used to, anyway.
a second bowl gets placed in front of yohan a moment later. gaon doesn't offer it, just reaches over with the open bottle and pours a fill. his own bowl is already topped up, so yohan doesn't have to worry about returning the favour and gaon lifts his chin at him with a quick smile, and then his bowl to tap it to yohan's. )
( Open curiosity, watching Gaon carefully. It's a little strange to be here, he thinks, because for all they spend their time together it is often either in the confines of work or at the house. Gaon in public feels like a different beast, and Yohan takes a careful sip of his drink, head cocked ever so slightly to one side. )
Sometimes it is. ( amiable agreement, nodding half to himself and half to yohan. he turns away to empty his bowl in two long swallows and sniffs to himself once he turns back. he doesn't know what specifically any of this is feeding except that it's pandering to something that's gone hungry for too long and he likes the subdued companionship of it. the quiet.
his eyes lift to yohan, embers of the fire earlier still sparking. )
( His expression glitters with bright amusement, and while he thinks about asking what changed his mind, Yohan decides against that. There's something oddly charming about the magnanimous aura Gaon is trying to give off, something interesting about how tipsy he is, how they're not quite fighting. )
Judge Kim is so benevolent. We better not let that get out. Too many people might appeal to his good nature.
( Not fighting, but kind of a bitch still. He takes a small sip of his drink, relishing in the burn of alcohol. ) Do you come here often?
( he makes a face to himself and then a different one at yohan, discomfort and then thinly veiled disgust. it's easier to heave a breath than to argue the point -- his good nature is decidedly aggrieved as of late, thanks -- and he hooks his fingers around the neck of the bottle to drag it closer to himself under the guise of examining the label he'd already read earlier. )
First time. ( he'd picked a place at random, liked the energy, felt it suited the rain. his eyes lift to yohan again, assessing, and he makes a decision to himself before his attention swings out the window to the road. ) You were just in the neighbourhood?
I haven't put a tracker on you if that's what you're asking.
( Only mildly huffy about it. )
It's close enough to the office, but not one of the more upscale places. I was going to park there until you gave me more to go on. Or until you changed your mind and told me outright. There are more than a few bars in the area, no? So logically it would have been one of them.
( his mouth opens to argue the necessity of waiting like that. he doesn't need watched, has spent the entirety of his life navigating the city. but he remembers the shock of the lake, too, the panic. kang yohan driving out in the middle of the night to retrieve him. so he shuts his mouth against it this time and nods once to himself, then again, a bigger gesture. )
Do you always drink this slow?
( an intentional distraction from his own thoughts, reaching across to tap his fingers against the side of yohan's bowl. )
( He only drinks in public when his persona demands it of him usually, makes it showier to look like he's drank more than he has just in case someone's watching. Sitting in a bar for the sake of it rarely happens. But his tolerance is reasonable, for the most part, and the one won't kill him. He looks at Gaon for a moment and then rolls his eyes, reaches for the bowl to tip the entire thing neatly into his mouth, swallowing loudly.
If there needs to be respect, he's forgetting about it. )
( gaon looks at him for a moment too long, eyes narrowed, seeming to come to some kind of conclusion just so that an indulgent little grin can break across his face, summarily pleased. )
Yes.
( immediately he's reaching across to fill yohan's bowl again. the alcohol content is low enough he doesn't second guess it, doesn't give yohan the chance to demure, and then pours another for himself.
the pajeon arrives then, still steaming, slid onto the table between them and something in gaon's chest settles into place. it feels right, this whole little tableau. and maybe it's the makgeolli but that's fine. he's great. )
( Something turns watchful in Yohan's gaze as Gaon tips him more liquor. It isn't anything suspicious, he doesn't suspect Gaon of foul play, it's just curious for the sake of it, expression softening ever so slightly. But the pajeon looks good, Yohan is hungry and Gaon less angry by turns. He leans forward in his seat to crack the chopsticks open, gaze flicking upwards again.
A piece, broken away, all but shoved in his mouth as he chews. He doesn't even wait for it to cool, which means he breathes through his mouth a little, semi-uncouth. )
( he makes a face at yohan, already lifting his bowl and turning away to drain it again, thirsty for something he's never really found at the bottom of a bottle. it feels good, though, soothes over an ache. he meets yohan's eyes again and brushes his hair away from his forehead like he can brush the sentiment away, reaching to take his own set of chopsticks.
not that he doesn't like it. just. propriety.
he does like yohan like this, some of the seams loosened. a bigger shape than he is at work. )
I'd make you pajeon. ( faint pink rising in his cheeks, eyes brighter. ) Whenever you want.
It always feels like something when they talk. Yohan sees that pink flush and files it away somewhere, knowing full well that it will be brought out and picked at later, when he's alone. )
That's far too much power for you to offer me, Gaon-ah. I might start making demands.
( For pajeon. He's already started craving too much of Kim Gaon's food. )
( he steals pancake off the plate for himself and then, mouth full, reaches to pull another piece -- rich with scallions -- loose to place it on the far side of the plate for yohan. there's maybe a little more liquor in him than there should be and it's already hard enough to not act on instinct. )
You could. ( but he's not making eye contact, still aware enough to know that what he's saying is a step too close to admitting something. putting words to reality. he fits another mouthful of pajeon in and sits back, chewing thoughtfully, eyes on the road and the rain out the window over yohan's shoulder. ) I'll make you anything you want.
( The hunger rises again. Not for panjeon. Not for anything that Gaon could make him. The act itself, though. He feels it swell, unsettled inside of him. Strange, that he was sure he was above all those things. It certainly had never mattered before. )
Jogaetang.
( Semi-abrupt, but -. )
I've been craving it. There was a restaurant by my university. I'd get the stew whenever it was raining. ( The piece Gaon placed for him gets lifted with a little more reverence than Yohan's previously daring chopstick manhandling. He makes sure to savour it, this time. ) Or Yukgaejang. We'll be stuck with this weather for a while. Butler said so.
( gaon looks to yohan's face before he can catch himself. his mother had always had a thing about eating for the weather, about the seasonality of cooking, the way to grow a garden cohesively to carry through the year and yohan doesn't have any way of knowing that but it feels poignant right now. intentional. he searches yohan's eyes as if there might be something nefarious to the request, something that might come back to haunt him later, but if there's anything to find it's beyond him. )
I can do that. ( quieter, warmed through. understanding. he picks at another bite of pancake but doesn't bring it to his mouth yet. ) Since when are you sentimental like that?
( He shrugs without thinking, putting his chopsticks down to take his bowl, bring it to his mouth, swallowing the alcohol to give him space. )
I'm not. ( It's not a lie if that's what he believes of himself, right? The man who wears his dead brother's necklace around his wrist should surely not allow such a thing as sentiment guide him. Still, he seems to be searching for an answer, careful about it in the busy little restaurant. ) I just like comfort.
( He'd pretended food hadn't been part of that in the beginning, but the more Gaon cooks the more Yohan eats like it's reverent. But his books, his softer clothes, they all play into it. He'd just been a little more indulgent before. )
( gaon watches him too closely, unguarded. he'd be less obvious about it sober, but the makgeolli has rounded all the edges enough that subtlety is increasingly lost on him. he rolls his thumb against his chopsticks, considering, eyes narrowing as if pieces are falling into place that he didn't already have a firm grasp on (he did). )
Then why still live in that house?
( it's not as accusatory as he thinks he meant it to be. softened, the punch pulled, something genuine and quiet in the question. not a gotcha as much as it's a question worth asking. there are more comfortable places to live. what is the house if not its own tribute to sentiment? good or bad. )
( He looks up from the food, something guarded back in his expression. There's a moment where he doesn't say anything at all, shoulders briefly tense before he forces them back into their posture from moments before, finishing the bowl and placing it back down carefully. )
Elijah's memories of the house were good ones.
( Slowly, almost halting. Like his tongue is too big suddenly. The inverse is obvious. Yohan's were not. ) I thought about it. Back then. It would have been easier for her if we moved elsewhere. Somewhere with less stairs, for one. Less isolated for her physical therapy. But I believed she might need the memory of it. It had been all she ever knew. I'd hoped that would help.
( He settles back in his chair, a visible act of trying to loosen himself. )
Maybe I was wrong. It feels like a mausoleum most days.
( gaon isn't prepared for this level of honesty. it's just how it is with kang yohan, all the secrecy and silence for so much of the time, everything buttoned up to the collar like he couldn't dare let anything escape. and then out of nowhere, truth. admission. something bigger than gaon's expecting and he finds himself latching onto it with hungry teeth. something to know, something to keep, admission into a space he's forcibly carving out for himself.
he's careful now. yohan might border onto spooked if he's not. whatever this is, gaon wants to protect it. )
All we can do is make the best decision with the information we have.
( he's picking at the pajeon again, tearing away another piece to place on yohan's side of the plate, eyes on his task until he glances up. )
Did you want to be a parent? Were you ready to be one?
( understanding, not judgement. empathy for the position yohan had been so unceremoniously, bitterly put in. )
( He waits for the violence of movement to compel him. He knows himself. He knows that he does not talk about these things. Gaon moves a bit of the pancake towards him, a peace offering, and still Yohan does not throw himself from the chair and out the door. Progress? He doesn't know. His mouth twitches as he takes it up, holds it between the end of his chopsticks. )
No. I liked being an uncle, don't get me wrong. I'd always ask Isaac if there'd be more little ones in the future. Iseul-sinui wanted more. They'd planned on it. All of Elijah's baby stuff is still in the house stored away because they'd hoped to reuse it. But I knew being a parent myself wasn't for me. ( He was too much like his father, he was too much like the things people accused him of being. It would have been cruel to have a child dependent on him. Cruel, just like the world was, apparently. Poor Elijah. ) It's different going from babysitting to full-time care. There are things I should have done differently. I know that now.
( yohan's bowl isn't empty but gaon's is and he uses that as an excuse to busy himself, reaching across with his arm tucked close to pour first for yohan and then sitting back to pour for himself.
it's easier to meet yohan's eyes across the table that way. yohan's not wrong. gaon isn't sure he's parent material, either. especially burdened so immediately by trauma and loss, with the ghosts of should-have-beens haunting the years that followed. and elijah had been young, too. too young. and none of that would have been easy even for someone equipped with it. gaon sees it. he understands. and he knows elijah, too, and things aren't necessarily great but they could have been a lot worse, all things considered. alternatives. lost into a system.
he tips his bowl back at the returned question, just drunk enough to be caught off guard. he shakes his head as he swallows, then shrugs, setting the empty bowl back on the table and then shrugs again. )
Maybe? One day? ( an extraneous question, existing outside of whatever the fuck it is between them. he'd thought about it before. with soohyun, maybe, a hypothetical he couldn't ever quite wrap his mind around. he waves the question off instead, gesturing to yohan's bowl. ) I've been too busy with work, I don't have any grandmothers to bully me about it. You don't get to start.
can't believe i forgot to edit her name, this will haunt me forever
( Easily delivered, even though he's sure it comes with it's own vague barbs. He doesn't particularly like to think about Gaon settling with someone - knows himself enough to be aware of the jealousy in it, while also being certain whatever this is, it's not something he'll get to keep forever. He's too deep in his scheming, and not at all suited for something that lasts. Gaon will outgrow their flirtation at some point, he'll see sense. For now though, Yohan lifts his bowl and drinks, letting the liquor soothe it a little.
Apparently that just means continuing on. )
You have a natural care in you. And you're attentive. If it's something you want I'm sure you'd excel at it.
( half his face scrunches. it feels similar to an accusation in a way he's not sure he can quantify but he can guess where yohan's mind is taking him and that seems like very fucking dangerous territory given the circumstances. it's a nice evening. he's enjoying himself. so he hides the deep breath he takes in reaching for the pajeon and gestures at yohan with his chopsticks as he sits back. )
Aish, that's so much pressure. What am I going to do with a baby? I already worry about my plants, a child might give me a heart attack.
( are his cheeks pinker? he pours more makgeolli for himself as he chews even though yohan hasn't finished his. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I watched you park.
( and jog over. and sort himself out. there's something endearing about it, watching without being seen. observing kang yohan without his knowing. )
I asked for another bowl for you. Pajeon's coming.
( they've already taken away the bottle he'd emptied. it's not very potent, but it's easy to drink and it's softening the edges of the day just enough to want more. )
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I was going to read.
( In the car.
He thinks it makes him sound a little less creepy, surely? Eyes lift back at the end either way, head tipping slightly to one side. Gaon looks less angry than his texts had come across, but maybe it's just that it's easier face to face. )
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I like drinking with someone better than alone.
( an unspoken invitation laid out on the table, read between the lines. it's not like it happens all that often. not as much as it used to, anyway.
a second bowl gets placed in front of yohan a moment later. gaon doesn't offer it, just reaches over with the open bottle and pours a fill. his own bowl is already topped up, so yohan doesn't have to worry about returning the favour and gaon lifts his chin at him with a quick smile, and then his bowl to tap it to yohan's. )
Cheers.
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( Open curiosity, watching Gaon carefully. It's a little strange to be here, he thinks, because for all they spend their time together it is often either in the confines of work or at the house. Gaon in public feels like a different beast, and Yohan takes a careful sip of his drink, head cocked ever so slightly to one side. )
I thought the being alone was the whole point.
( He would, eternal recluse that he is. )
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his eyes lift to yohan, embers of the fire earlier still sparking. )
I decided to be nice to you today.
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( His expression glitters with bright amusement, and while he thinks about asking what changed his mind, Yohan decides against that. There's something oddly charming about the magnanimous aura Gaon is trying to give off, something interesting about how tipsy he is, how they're not quite fighting. )
Judge Kim is so benevolent. We better not let that get out. Too many people might appeal to his good nature.
( Not fighting, but kind of a bitch still. He takes a small sip of his drink, relishing in the burn of alcohol. ) Do you come here often?
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First time. ( he'd picked a place at random, liked the energy, felt it suited the rain. his eyes lift to yohan again, assessing, and he makes a decision to himself before his attention swings out the window to the road. ) You were just in the neighbourhood?
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( Only mildly huffy about it. )
It's close enough to the office, but not one of the more upscale places. I was going to park there until you gave me more to go on. Or until you changed your mind and told me outright. There are more than a few bars in the area, no? So logically it would have been one of them.
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Do you always drink this slow?
( an intentional distraction from his own thoughts, reaching across to tap his fingers against the side of yohan's bowl. )
Finish yours so I can pour.
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If there needs to be respect, he's forgetting about it. )
Satisfied?
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Yes.
( immediately he's reaching across to fill yohan's bowl again. the alcohol content is low enough he doesn't second guess it, doesn't give yohan the chance to demure, and then pours another for himself.
the pajeon arrives then, still steaming, slid onto the table between them and something in gaon's chest settles into place. it feels right, this whole little tableau. and maybe it's the makgeolli but that's fine. he's great. )
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A piece, broken away, all but shoved in his mouth as he chews. He doesn't even wait for it to cool, which means he breathes through his mouth a little, semi-uncouth. )
Yours would be better.
( Already a devout convert. )
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not that he doesn't like it. just. propriety.
he does like yohan like this, some of the seams loosened. a bigger shape than he is at work. )
I'd make you pajeon. ( faint pink rising in his cheeks, eyes brighter. ) Whenever you want.
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It always feels like something when they talk. Yohan sees that pink flush and files it away somewhere, knowing full well that it will be brought out and picked at later, when he's alone. )
That's far too much power for you to offer me, Gaon-ah. I might start making demands.
( For pajeon. He's already started craving too much of Kim Gaon's food. )
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You could. ( but he's not making eye contact, still aware enough to know that what he's saying is a step too close to admitting something. putting words to reality. he fits another mouthful of pajeon in and sits back, chewing thoughtfully, eyes on the road and the rain out the window over yohan's shoulder. ) I'll make you anything you want.
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Jogaetang.
( Semi-abrupt, but -. )
I've been craving it. There was a restaurant by my university. I'd get the stew whenever it was raining. ( The piece Gaon placed for him gets lifted with a little more reverence than Yohan's previously daring chopstick manhandling. He makes sure to savour it, this time. ) Or Yukgaejang. We'll be stuck with this weather for a while. Butler said so.
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I can do that. ( quieter, warmed through. understanding. he picks at another bite of pancake but doesn't bring it to his mouth yet. ) Since when are you sentimental like that?
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I'm not. ( It's not a lie if that's what he believes of himself, right? The man who wears his dead brother's necklace around his wrist should surely not allow such a thing as sentiment guide him. Still, he seems to be searching for an answer, careful about it in the busy little restaurant. ) I just like comfort.
( He'd pretended food hadn't been part of that in the beginning, but the more Gaon cooks the more Yohan eats like it's reverent. But his books, his softer clothes, they all play into it. He'd just been a little more indulgent before. )
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Then why still live in that house?
( it's not as accusatory as he thinks he meant it to be. softened, the punch pulled, something genuine and quiet in the question. not a gotcha as much as it's a question worth asking. there are more comfortable places to live. what is the house if not its own tribute to sentiment? good or bad. )
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Elijah's memories of the house were good ones.
( Slowly, almost halting. Like his tongue is too big suddenly. The inverse is obvious. Yohan's were not. ) I thought about it. Back then. It would have been easier for her if we moved elsewhere. Somewhere with less stairs, for one. Less isolated for her physical therapy. But I believed she might need the memory of it. It had been all she ever knew. I'd hoped that would help.
( He settles back in his chair, a visible act of trying to loosen himself. )
Maybe I was wrong. It feels like a mausoleum most days.
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he's careful now. yohan might border onto spooked if he's not. whatever this is, gaon wants to protect it. )
All we can do is make the best decision with the information we have.
( he's picking at the pajeon again, tearing away another piece to place on yohan's side of the plate, eyes on his task until he glances up. )
Did you want to be a parent? Were you ready to be one?
( understanding, not judgement. empathy for the position yohan had been so unceremoniously, bitterly put in. )
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No. I liked being an uncle, don't get me wrong. I'd always ask Isaac if there'd be more little ones in the future. Iseul-sinui wanted more. They'd planned on it. All of Elijah's baby stuff is still in the house stored away because they'd hoped to reuse it. But I knew being a parent myself wasn't for me. ( He was too much like his father, he was too much like the things people accused him of being. It would have been cruel to have a child dependent on him. Cruel, just like the world was, apparently. Poor Elijah. ) It's different going from babysitting to full-time care. There are things I should have done differently. I know that now.
( He tried though. )
What about you? Do you want children?
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it's easier to meet yohan's eyes across the table that way. yohan's not wrong. gaon isn't sure he's parent material, either. especially burdened so immediately by trauma and loss, with the ghosts of should-have-beens haunting the years that followed. and elijah had been young, too. too young. and none of that would have been easy even for someone equipped with it. gaon sees it. he understands. and he knows elijah, too, and things aren't necessarily great but they could have been a lot worse, all things considered. alternatives. lost into a system.
he tips his bowl back at the returned question, just drunk enough to be caught off guard. he shakes his head as he swallows, then shrugs, setting the empty bowl back on the table and then shrugs again. )
Maybe? One day? ( an extraneous question, existing outside of whatever the fuck it is between them. he'd thought about it before. with soohyun, maybe, a hypothetical he couldn't ever quite wrap his mind around. he waves the question off instead, gesturing to yohan's bowl. ) I've been too busy with work, I don't have any grandmothers to bully me about it. You don't get to start.
can't believe i forgot to edit her name, this will haunt me forever
( Easily delivered, even though he's sure it comes with it's own vague barbs. He doesn't particularly like to think about Gaon settling with someone - knows himself enough to be aware of the jealousy in it, while also being certain whatever this is, it's not something he'll get to keep forever. He's too deep in his scheming, and not at all suited for something that lasts. Gaon will outgrow their flirtation at some point, he'll see sense. For now though, Yohan lifts his bowl and drinks, letting the liquor soothe it a little.
Apparently that just means continuing on. )
You have a natural care in you. And you're attentive. If it's something you want I'm sure you'd excel at it.
woe the shame u have brung
Aish, that's so much pressure. What am I going to do with a baby? I already worry about my plants, a child might give me a heart attack.
( are his cheeks pinker? he pours more makgeolli for himself as he chews even though yohan hasn't finished his. )
i'm being serious what if this is why i woke up at 6am again 😔
bc u got a lady's name wrong??
ye i gotta be the best or NOTHING
what if ur already the best??
wow don't try to butter me up
like a piece of toast
🥰
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just go with it ok i like it it suits
aaaaaa cute / my bad there's never been any hot sweet potatos in the videos i watch 😔
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