( his hackles are up immediately, defensive at the first blow, but yohan catches himself quickly enough to soften the accusation. not well, mind you. it's something, though, especially when it comes to the way kang yohan is about expressing his feelings. gaon keeps a hold on him, half to keep his balance in check and half to maintain the distance. it's a good plan. reasonable. some kind of effective.

except yohan doesn't say what gaon expects him to and the vulnerability in it shocks him to stillness, eyes wide and searching yohan's face. even drunk he wouldn't expect this out of him. it feels like a weakness is being admitted, like yohan is rolling over and showing the soft of his belly and gaon is immediately and worryingly aware of just how dangerous a position he's in. how careful he needs to be. how fragile this moment is. )

Father Kang.

( soft, so soft, like approaching a cornered animal. he tightens his grip on yohan's shoulder, a gentle squeeze of reassurance. his stomach swoops a little and too many warring feelings rise up his throat, something between frustration and regret and want and resolve. he hasn't made his peace with it all yet but he understands that he needs to and this isn't helping. it's not making it easier. )

You told me to go. You told me we shouldn't. ( he swallows, watching the way the shadows from the light overhead make yohan's eyes darker. ) I can't just go back to the way it was before. ( he doesn't say i still want you, he bites back you have to let me get over you, he just lets out a heavy breath and reaches for yohan's other shoulder. ) We can be friends again, but not yet.